the missing piece

you can find it if you look in the mirror. we're all one in Him. =)

Beauty

i met Beauty today.
before i could meet her gaze,
she sprinted toward the light
hoping that the uv rays would
wipe off her scars and youthenize
her figure.

she would not speak to me;
her lips were taped with
ancient cassette film and dollar bills.

she could not hear me, either;
her ears were warped in awkward contortions
to forever never let her headphones
fall off her head.

Two Years Too Short

(currently listening to Save Him by Justin Nozuka. Sorry if this song sounds sad)

What happens now
Now that you're gone.
Am I just a dog
That's sitting alone?

I'm sad, you're mad
But don't you forget
The feeling of happiness
You seemed to forfeit.


What happened to
The time that we shared?
What happens now,
Now that we're scared?

This suffering, fainting, loving
All this and more.
Holding back tears
Of what's still in store.

The pain in my eyes
Reflects that of your soul.
The hope my heart
Is replaced with a hole.

So bow your head down
Sleep your eyes shut
Know in your mind
That we've had enough.
But don't forget one thing,
You need to keep it close:
There's people still here
That love you the most.

Why did it stop
The long nights of fun?
We stayed up to sunrise
To get some things done.

This is for Arnold
The "Turbal" is Time.
The songs from past
Do not have to rhyme.

Because you're there
And meee too.
We stuck it together
A feeling like glue,
But I was glad
That I was stuck to you.

So bow your head down
Sleep your eyes shut
Know in your mind
That we've had enough.
But don't forget one thing,
You need to keep it close:
There's people still here
That love you the most.

What made it part?
What made it end?
The happiest place on earth
Stole my friend.

The rides, the talks,
The driving around.
The things that we did,
You brought me to sound.

My life is influenced
By you forevermore.
Even the clothes that I wear
I buy from your store.

Please realize,
This is not the finish.
Only if we all GIVE UP,
Our lives will diminish.

So bow your head down
Sleep your eyes shut
Know in your mind
That we've had enough.
But don't forget one thing,
You need to keep it close:
There's people still here
That love you the most.

WTF

WTF do you want me to do?!
Better yet: WTF do you want?!
You're telling me one thing but doing another!
You tell me I'm worthless,
So I tell you I'm leaving.
Then you hold my hand without asking,
And you ask, "Wait, you're really going...?"
With the loneliest tone I've ever heard.
You scan me up and down and look at my "curves"
Then you tell me I'm beautiful--
Inside and out--
So we go out and I try on a dress
And with the most insensitive laughter
You chuckle out, "Dude, you're kinda fat!"
Hmm... am I the only one who sees a problem in that?!
I can obviously fight my own battles;
I'm fighting you right now, aren't I?
So stop acting like I'm a child.
Stop trying to "protect me" like I'm yours to keep forever.
You and I weren't born together
And you know we're not meant for each other
So quit acting like we're attached at the hip
And realize that you're only killing me,
That you're killing us,
By holding on but pushing me away.
If I could have it my way,
I might as well be dead today.
Maybe then you'll see and value me
For who I really am as a woman and as a friend
Someone who'll willingly serve you until the end
Instead of a prisoner of your incessant
Inconsistent signs of "tough love"
(But no offense to The Man above)...
I just wish you knew what you were doing to me.

Virtuality.

You're the Devil
And I can't escape
from the glare of your eye
or the light that you bewitch me with,
in your unusual atmosphere.
You glow,
and convince me that you're
not just a dream-
That you're the reality
I've always craved
but truthfully
never indulged in.
You danced for me,
and I took you by the hand;
we danced for years,
and it felt promising:
Your touch was so warm,
so comforting that-
it felt harmless,
and I was enraptured.
But you grabbed that hand
and pulled me
In-
you pulled me close-
So close, that I choked-
inferior to your invisible strength.
I saw you, but I could not see
that you were the falsification
of my dreams/
the introduction of my nightmares.
You sang for me,
and I listened
Your tune was upbeat and I
danced,
for you,
danced once more,
Until I could no longer.
Until your music
became sour, and I saw that
you continued to play
but I heard differently.
You yelled as I
stepped
off-beat,
off-rhythm,
the pace
was too
quick
And I ached
for rest.
You, continued.
You, beckoned.
You, led.
I, could not follow.
I, did not follow.
I, slipped.
You sighed.

I, tore from you.

You're the devil
and I can escape
from the glare that was your eye
and that light that you bewitched me with.
I'm in my usual atmosphere; your reversed reality.
You still glow,
and you draw others near,
to your fantasy-land
and darkness world
Your ballroom floor
and masquerade trap.
You offered me your hand,
and you danced,
and danced.
But,
I can no longer feel
that warmth you once had.
You burn,
bitter;
I watched you from afar.
Distance is better
in our dance.
I'll always see you,
but I won't come close
to, that
ugliness,
that is you-
and that world,
you never saw.
I,
Away from the night
of one temptation
of a solemn song
and a hand
that offers
a dance.

What Matters

What happens to the ones
You can't keep close by?
Do they fall, do they leave,
Do they drift to the sky?

What about the people,
The ones closest to you?
Are you going to lift them up,
Or are they going to fade too?

I think it all comes down
To what's important in your life.
What is it that you want,
A friend or a wife?

These are lots of questions
That will leave you thinking.
Is it too late to come back?
WTF was I drinking?

Life is full of changes
Relationships are not exempt.
Maintain them or they disappear.
Loneliness leads to contempt.

Remember the Kool-Aid Man?
He busted through the wall.
No one thought any less of him,
But he busted through a f*ckin' wall.

What about the Pilsbury Doughboy,
what happened to him?
Last time he was seen
He was drinking a bottle of gin.

It's tough being beautiful.
It gets thankless after awhile.
I mean, you're making the world look like a better place
Who cares if you can't run a mile.

When the good things in life
Hit you like a wave.
Soak it all in,
Take it with you to the grave.

Things look pretty good
When you see the bright.
Let the bad roll off,
Don't take it to your night.

Jesus says,
I am with those of 2 or 3 that gather here.
Are you gathering in His name,
Or sitting back drinking beer?

Some people find fun
Through things that are destructive,
But what if your life is so bad,
The negative becomes productive?

I'm going to tell you a story,
It involves a pirate Jim,
And he had a parrot,
Who's name was Tiny Tim.

Now Jim was a swashbuckler
A life lead very strong.
Tim was a parrot,
Who's beak was pretty...long.

They were as different as can be,
But they belonged together.
Jim taught him to fish,
Tim sang "Hiding Inside the Horrible Weather."

They became best friends when they met.
They weathered all the storms.
They would come out better than ever,
They would beat the pirate norms.

But then one day
Tiny Tim flew to an island
Jim was stuck on the boat
With no way to reach the highland.

The moral of the story is:
Not every where you go, can you be followed,
And not everything you drink
Should be swallowed.

I hope I don't see that
Happen to you.
I'm gonna miss our times
But you do what ya' gotta do.

Fruitless Risks

I started writing this song around 2:30 AM and finished at 7:30 AM this morning. It's actually a "two-parter." The second part has vocals; and I can't really record vocals right now because of my roommates and such. Actually I shouldn't be recording in general, haha. I have 200 pages of biology left to read and finals is in less than three days...But anyways, this song is an instrumental. I'm contemplating placing a choir at the end of the song; maybe they'll do "ooo's" and "ahh's" - perhaps even sing one line or something. We'll see. Majorly inspired by a conversation with a friend, a YouTube video posted on a friend's Xanga, and my fanscination with the concept of "last nights" (think Can't Hardly Wait). In my head, I pictured two people spending one more night together at a party or something. There's mad tension because one of them wants to say something, but they're both scared. So it's like - are they or aren't they? Musically, it is a different "direction," but I hope you enjoy it. I was thinking Jimmy Eat World's Clarity meets Explosions in the Sky. Oh yeah, I'm well aware of the "scratch/hiss" at around 1:20. It was caused by converting the YouTube video in to MP3 format. It'll be fixed in the "final" version (granted there is one). Hrm. Part two coming soon...

Dedicated to every guy who wishes she got off the plane; she turned the car around after she drove off your driveway; or any guy who waited for her to turn around when she walked away.

Blessing in Disguise?

I don't know if I ever posted this here (probably did) but here's a repost. After such a great summer, with my life being so positive, I can remember the time when I first started noticing this "positive streak." It started just before summer, that's not to say bad things haven't happened since, but I think it's important to note that they roll off of me and I face adversity with a positive outlook now.

These thoughts in my mind

That scramble up my brain

Keep flowing through my cranium

But I dare not go insane.



The root of all evil

Comes from your decisions.

The choices you make

Result from your precisions.



Carefully measure,

Carefully decide.

These careful calculations

Make me just want to hide.



I find I'm torn

Between the present and the past.

My thought process expands,

But my heart comes in last.



This is a weird feeling,

Never experienced before.

When was the last time Attraction

Didn't end up with a whore?



What stimulates the mind

Is something that can't be touched.

It's something more real

And lets you walk without a crutch.



Hello regret,

You hit me to the core.

What other surprises are waiting

Like a trap in the floor?



The people I love

Don't know the half of it.

They're too busy stressing,

Falling into a mass dark pit.



Maybe I am too.

Maybe I stress more.

Maybe school, work, Liwanag, GL, writing, baseball, coaching, dancing singing, acting is too much.

Maybe I don't feel content, maybe I feel poor.



I like to be reminded

Of the things I've always had.

Gonna shout a throwback,
And "separate the good from the bad."



Gratification, humiliation

And even masturbation.

Are becoming even more of an indignation

Always leading me to temptation.



Community. Socializing.

YOU are my anti-drug.

It's funny how you can brighten my day

With something as simple as a hug.



You might think this is about you,

But really it's not.

It's getting closer to summer

And damn it's getting hot.



Follow your heart

And you'll never go wrong.

Sometimes I disagree

And break out into song.



La la la la laaaa,

Listen to me:

There's more than infatuation,

There's lovE with a capital "E."



It's more than what it starts out with,

The ending is what it will be.

lovE starts out slow,

But builds up to a capital "E."



Your love for God,

Is your best relationship.

There is nothing that can match that,

Because there is nothing that rhymes with relationship.



You are sacred.

Don't ever forget that.

Don't look in the mirror and think to yourself:

"Am I too fat?"



No one hates who you are,

Disappointment comes from within.

I never want to see you

In the bathroom ready to binge.



Struggles are so hard,

Flowing from my heart.

The mind and organ beat together.

Life would suck if they were apart.



I'm finding what I prioritize.

I'm finding what I like.

I feel like I'm maturing.

Traitorship would be a strike.



I know what makes me happy

But I don't know what to do.

Old habits die hard,

Accessing them would be strike two.



I'm a very clumsy person,

I've ran into a tree.

If I dropped people in my life,

That would be strike three.



This "poem" is already long

Let's try to add some jokes.

Be careful what you wish for,

You don't know how much this straightedge smokes.



Roses are red, violets are blue

Did you hear the one about Tennessee?

Because the only ten-i-see

Is YOU.



"Do you have a band-aid?

Because I'm cut!"

I said that in a club one night,

And got told to shut up.



My jokes may be corny.

My jokes may be whack,

But at least I'm not like Zack Efron,

The actor that does crack.



I love the movie Iron Man,

But does anyone know the song.

I've been stuck singing "IRON, IRON MAN, IRON IRON IRON MAN"

All day long.



Laughter is fun.

It's not something to defray.

If you're not laughing, is something wrong?

Let me be the one to brighten your day.



One more joke,

I swear that's it.

If I tell anything after that,

I won't mind getting hit.



A blonde walked into a bar.

She said "Ouch."



I'm sorry, that was lame,

But it was all I got.

Just smile for me baby,

Damn it's getting hot.

my stariway to heaven

music min as definitely helped me realize that this is one of my was to be closer to Him.