Understanding

The boundaries between letting go and giving up:
"Letting go" does not connote losing hope;
It means the opposite: you have more.
"Giving up" is the act of losing hope;
It means what it says.

Your piercing eyes hold me down.
I sit motionless under your venomous look.
I'll "never give up, never surrender."
(For all I know, I'll love you forever.)
But how can I let go when I'm not the one holding on?
Set me free: speak your truth.
You slither around on the ground
With a smirk, feeling so high and proud,
Making your own path and leaving nothing
But a small trace of your scent,
And a faint track of your gooey slime
After you finish your business.

Your piercing eyes holds me down.
You've left me stranded, cold, and trapped.
You've left me numb and paralyzed
Next to the shattered pieces of my nearly-still heart.
Please, let me live.
You've sucked the life out of me:
My will to live... my hope to love...
My faith to believe that I will survive.
Why not do me a favor and suck the only thing that's left:
Suck the poison out of my system.
You've already left your mark on my skin.
(And now I wear you on my sleeve.)
What else is there for you to take?

Your piercing eyes hold me down.
I sit dazed and delirious,
In the dark, like dirt
(because I once let you crawl all over me,)
Attempting to identify which is worse:
The "love scar" you left on me,
(The one left for all to see and mock me about--
The wound that's slowly starting to heal)?
Or all the love that's still within me
(The one you sucked on until I shriveled up--
The love you blatantly rejected)?
Bare naked, I sit for your taking.
With no strength to fight,
No spirit to give up,
I let you stare me down as
I sit motionless under your venomous look.

Make Your Move

My forest: moonlit;
Enough to find my way around,
Too dim to be able to read.
Why must it be this way?

I swear I caught you staring at me.
I saw the look in your eyes.
I saw it in your face:
The memories I want to erase
From this thing called "life".

Regrets? Honestly, I have a few.
But I don't wish to call them mistakes.
I refuse to believe that I mistook
You for a fragile, fervent, fucker.
I refuse to believe that God has led me
Down this winding, dirt road as a joke
To mock and humiliate my weaknesses.

I refuse to believe that I'm the only one at fault for the blaring silence.

The situation room.

Let's start the debate:

I'll be an axon,
and you'll be the brain.
And we'll duel
(to a certain extent).

Conscience says:
"Hear me,
hear me.
You're the good girl;
now do as I say and get drunk
on sodium-potassium waves
raging through your vulnerable bones.
Your spinal cord is mine."

Heart says (meekly and soul-driven): i dun haf ta lissen ta yah blasfemic propeganda alla des wurds alla deese dots dey are HEART-drivin--MINE for da keepin'.

(and, from heaven descents, an Eagle of tumored proportions
perching on the pedestal with defiant radiance and quiet,
yet entrenched, Position! Authority! Ethos!)

He said to the duelists (strictly and hopefully as a MEDIATOR):
" 'Relax,' said the wise man.
Approach with rationality,
but abandon practicality
if your fight ends to the
death. And when all
other things fail,
choose wisely."

......

Alas, my friends. The duel is on, but the flame isn't extinguished.
The torch is burning and running nationwide.
The battle isn't ending. It runs in circles and circles.
When will it end? This debate?
Oh, how I hate arrogant competitors.

For This One Moment.

[Note: This is a song I wrote back in 2003 - my sophomore year of high school. It's about some overly-melodramatic event that happened during my freshman year. Obviously the lyrics are irrelevant to me now, but it's the sentimental value of the song that matters. Because whenever I listen to this song, it reminds me of being a pre-pubsecent, angst-ridden, emo-teenager. Haha.]

We've been hiding desolately underneath the lies.
One day when I'm lucky, I'll catch your eyes.
There'll be this moment of confusion - you just forgot him.
And I'll be the only thing in your mind.
Out of the past three years there's still one that remains.
The one period of time when I swept you away.
A point in our lives that we'd give anything to have.
A promise to stay with me; a promise you could never keep.

For this one moment your lips are mind.
For this one moment I can't lie.
For this one moment you're here with me.
I'd give anything for this to last forever.

How can we get back together after everything that's happened?
I could never pull myself together and forget what you did with him.
Football games will never be the same after that cold September night.
The one that you apparently erased from your life.
You promised that you'd stay with me forever and a day.
But she's keep her promise just in a different way.
But I still have these sleepless nights where I picture you in my head.
And I'm keeping you alive along with everything you ever said.

red-ribbon.

Oh, my Arms.
they limp with a familiar pain, a numbing pain,
surging through weary vessels
almost like electric shocks.
Periodic shocks. Incessant, deliberate shocks.
This is I, charged for cardiac arrest,
post-stamped, and dated for the dumps.


I'm going for skeletal.

Promise.